PAST CREEPS

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Donald Trump

As I write this, it is the day before Christmas Eve and the second night of Hanukkah. In our house, we celebrate both not only because we have Jews in our extended family but also because my wife and I like to celebrate traditions with our son.

Donald Trump

By the time you read this, the U.S. may be at war with Iran and World War III may have begun because we have the dumbest, most impulsive and selfish President in the history of America. Happy New Year.

Jenna Ellis

You can tell a lot about a person by looking at who they surround themselves with. Remember when Donald Trump assured the public that as president, he would have "the best people" working with and for him, and they've all turned out to be incompetent at best?

EVENTS

Paul Gazelka

Genna Gazelka, a 31-year-old who identifies as bi-gender, knows firsthand the pain of conversation therapy, calling it "harassment" and "torture."

John Horvat II

In 1994 the Insane Clown Posse released a record titled "The Terror Wheel." It featured heartfelt classics such as "The Dead Body Man" and "I Stuck Her With My Wang."

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Steve Hotze

When I went to the library recently, there was a black man, maybe in his 30s, standing outside collecting signatures. Being civic-minded and nosey, I approached him to see what the signatures were for.

"I'm running for Congress...

Laura Ingraham

Do you have a hobby? Most people do. Personally, I like to read books. I also like to listen to true crime podcasts and heavy metal music. Maybe you like to knit scarves, make art, play video games or go for bike rides.

Iowa House Republicans

When I was in elementary school, I was taught that the Mayflower landed at Cape Cod, and that's how the pilgrims (aka the puritans) arrived in America.

Scott Lively

Once upon a time in a land far, far away — aka Germany — there was an ambassador from the United States. That man "represented our country exceedingly well," according to Donald Trump, and so he was named acting director of national intelligence.

Trump Admin.

Public Service Announcement: Wash your hands – more than you already do. And get yourself a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some cotton balls and swab down your phone on the daily. As an expert on disease transmission recently said on "This Podcast Will Kill You,"

Donald Trump

Not sure who needs to hear this, but the rapid spread of COVID-19, aka coronavirus, is not a hoax. It is not fake news intended to tank the stock market in order to make Donald Trump look bad.

COVID-19

The federal government's response to COVID-19 has been abysmal, in large part, because we don't have a real president.

Perry Stone

Well, it was only a matter of time before it was revealed that LGBTQ people are responsible for the COVID-19 coronavirus outbreak. It turns out that God is mad about gay marriage.

Donald J. Trump

Currently trending political advice: Do not chug Lysol. Do not inject bleach. Do not smoke Clorox wipes.

Also, add to that list: Do not vote for Republicans. My God, what a sick and dangerous joke is this president and his party.

Robert Jeffress

In the past month, you've no doubt seen headlines like, "Can your marriage survive the coronavirus?" or "15 Tips On How To Stay Married During Quarantine" or "Yep, we're all fighting with our partners right now."

Republican Party

There is a lot to be worried about when it comes to the public health crisis we are currently in. The biggest worry is, of course, getting sick and dying. The second is getting someone else sick and killing them.

Alex Azar

At the time of this writing, 89,564 people have died from COVID-19 in the U.S. An uninterrupted moment of silence for each person would last 62 days. And yet there is no state of national mourning, which is the loudest thing I have ever heard.

Donald Trump

I'm old enough to remember when the President of the United States wasn't an incurious moron recklessly obsessed with his own image. And this is the man in charge during the worst public health epidemic in recent memory.

Racism

I'm writing this on June 1, the beginning of Pride month. Simultaneously, across the country, people are protesting, and tensions are escalating over the issue of racism.

Donald Trump

June may be Pride Month, but it isn't official anymore. Not since Donald Trump became the president. He has never issued an official proclamation declaring June Pride month.

Donald Trump

As I write this, the Supreme Court has just ruled that LGBTQ workers are protected under federal employment discrimination law.

Roger Severino

Even if you know in your heart of rainbow hearts that the president of the United States and the cretins who work for him hate you, you might not realize that this administration is always busy working to further harm LGBTQ people.

Donald Trump

Welp, the Supreme Court issued its abortion ruling that everyone has been bracing themselves for and as it turns out. Wait, reproductive rights won? But Kavanaugh. But Gorsuch.

Mark Chambers

I am thinking of changing the title of this column to "Dispatches from Hell" because I truly feel like every week is just another barrage of awful news stories, most of them with Trump at the center. And SO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING.

Michael Heath

Corporate America, man. Who knew they had the power to do seemingly impossible things like getting the Washington football team that uses a racial slur as a goddamn mascot to change its name?